Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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