finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
