was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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