If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
