I can text with my tongue
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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