I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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