I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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