dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
