my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
