yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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