I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I think people are normalizing furries
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
