So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
