I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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