wake up i wanna do it froggy style
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
