I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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