we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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