did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
