it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
