nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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