we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize