I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
