Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
