Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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