Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
