I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize