Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I look better un-naked...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
