I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
