so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
