genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
