I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
