I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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