Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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