You're so nebulous sometimes
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
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