I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
