I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
