I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
