A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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