I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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