And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
