I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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