Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
