marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
