this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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