I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize