At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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