I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
