I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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