i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
