You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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