Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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