I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I love you.
Bad choice
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
