just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
