I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
