she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
