A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Randomize