i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
