The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
