U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He shit in the fireplace
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
