I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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