I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
