Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
