i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
