Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
