Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
