I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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