So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
