Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
