You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
