I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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