My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
