JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
