We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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