We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Your face is a jimmy john
Just cropdusted the office
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize