well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
