woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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