So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
