Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
