my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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