Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
