I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
