The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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