If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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