Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
