i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize