i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
be right there i have to get my cape
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize