the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize