I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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