He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
