So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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