I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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