I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
