Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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