So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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