I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
it glows. i had to have it.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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