hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
