You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
