I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
