I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
