I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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