I accidentally burped into my bong.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
