I am in a vortex of obligation.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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